Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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