Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
