You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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