Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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