Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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