i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
