I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
