the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
