On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
