I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
