Will you blow on my dice?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
