You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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