Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
True college students do jello shots in the library
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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