This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
