Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
