1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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