I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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