I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
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