Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
