It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
whose parrot is this?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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