Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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