We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
