So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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