hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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