Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
