I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
