I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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