and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
