I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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