fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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