if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
