You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
