I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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