Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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