omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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