I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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