I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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