That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
