You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
