Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
