im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
