So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
