is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
