I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
