Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
