and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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