The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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