lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
