dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
