You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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