I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
